Walmart has been found to be the inevitable conclusion of all civilizations, archeologists announced Friday morning.
"It's not just the end of our civilization," said Evander Whitman, head of archeology at the University of Cairo. "It has been the downfall of human society for at least 10,000 years."
Insurmountable evidence points to Walmarts found in Summarian, Babylonian, Aztec and other ruins around the world.
"Mayan 'glyphs indicate Walmart offended the gods by offering cheaper, child-made crystal skulls," said Chase Douglas, Mayan expert and head of the Louvre's ruins exhibits.
Douglas said America should prepare itself to go the way of the Mayans.
"All empires have Walmarts right before they crumble," said Douglas.
Whitman described this as the "Walmart-stage."
"Put simply, the Walmart-stage is the point where human socio-economic evolution eats itself."
Whitman said that all societies eventually lose sight of their core principles and just try to exploit one another.
"But, by all means, go buy four plastic plates for a dollar," said Whitman. "Tell yourself there's no consequences."

front page about us